Disobedience towards One’s Parents

As you may be aware the Muslim youngsters of today within the United Kingdom are facing an identity crisis and as a result tend to follow western values, to an extent that they disrespect their parents. I have heard that the second biggest sin in Islam is being disobedient towards one’s parents and as the gravity of such a sin is enormous, Allah (SWT) has reserved the punishment for such behaviour till the day of judgement. I would therefore be grateful if you could comment on the above and where possible provide details towards the Hadith and the Quran in order for me to have a better understanding of this subject. Jazak-Allah-Khair

Salaam Brother

Many thanks for your query. Islam requires us to be extremely respectful, polite and submissive towards our parents. The word used by the Qur'an in this respect is kindness or "Ihsan". Goodness toward one's parents is the second most important directive of Islam after worshipping God. Among human beings a person’s foremost obligation is towards his parents.
 
Islam expects that a person should treat his parents with respect,  not only outwardly but also from the depth of his heart. He should not show any aversion to them in his heart and also not say something before them which is against manners.  He should treat them with love, affection and decency . He should obey them and in the frailty of old age, comfort them and be a means of re-assurance to them. A person should keep praying for his parents that the way his parents raised them with affection and care, the Almighty should shower His blessings on them in this old age. This prayer is a right of the parents on their children and it is also a reminder for a person to fulfill this right imposed on them. This prayer is also the motive for the feelings of love which the Almighty has demanded from the children in treating their parents with kindness.
 
Albeit, the Qur'anic directive is not one of complete obedience to parents, but is one of being submissive to them.  There are exceptions to the rule of obeying ones parents, for instance, if they were to order us to worship someone other than God then we would obviously not follow their command. Furthermore, parents should not be obeyed in anything leading to obvious immorality or unethical behavior, for instance, breaking the law of the land of one's residence.  However, we should still explain it to them nicely. Even when one is in disagreement with them, one should not be abusive or, in any other way, rude toward them
 
I enclose quotes from Quran and Hadith as requested.
 

We enjoined man to show kindness to his parents, for with much pain his mother bears him and he is not weaned before he is two years of age. We said: ‘Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me shall all things return. But if they press you to serve besides Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Remain kind to them in this world, and turn to Me with all devotion. To Me you shall all return, and I will declare to you everything you have done’. (31:14-15)

Your Lord has enjoined you to worship none but Him, and to show kindness to your parents, If either or both of them attain old age in your dwelling, show them no sign of impatience, nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and say: ‘Lord, be merciful to them. They nursed me when I was an infant’. Your Lord best knows what is in your hearts. If you remain obedient, He will forgive those that turn to Him. (17:23-25)

 Ibn Mas‘ūd (rta) narrates that he asked the Prophet (pbuh): “Which deed does God like the most.” The Prophet (pbuh) replied: “To say the prayer on time.” I inquired: “After that.” He replied: “To be well-mannered with the parents. Bukhārī, No: 5970.

The Prophet (pbuh) has said that showing disobedience to parents is the greatest sin after polytheism. Bukhārī, No: 5976

 
 
I enclose a link from our sister web site that provides further information on this issue:
 
http://www.monthly-renaissance.com/issue/content.aspx?id=301
 
If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to e-mail us.
 
Best regards
 
Waseem Aslam
UIUK Web Team

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